Keegan Cassady

Theatre Professional

Chaz, The Hunter


I go by Auranach now, okay?

So, a few days ago, I made the worst decision of my life.

I bought Diablo 3.

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Sure makes it seem warm and fuzzy, huh?

Now right off the back, I knew what class I wanted to be.

“Say it. Out Loud.”

Demonhunter.”

I mean, the class looks very sick on the previews at the Blizzard Site.

Twin crossbows, flipping, traps, very Altair meets Van Helsing meets the kid that Hawkeye and Black Widow are totally gonna have.

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Totally.

And the sick twisted girl version of the character looks sweet.  But I dunno, unlike Tyco of Penny Arcade, I am personally not down for playing a female character.  I took a feminism course, and the one thing I now know is, I will never know what it’s like.  So I decided to be a man about it.

But man, the dude version totally looks like a hipster.

A Male Demon Hunter

An Hipster

Twins!

Having gotten the game last Friday, I now have a level 32 Demon Hunter (look at my life, look at my choices).  Here are a few facts I’ve learned over the last 32 levels:

Fact 1: Demon Hunters were hunting demons before it was cool.

They weren’t in the last few games because they’re not ‘mainstream.’ They’re a new class with a new power system, not like ‘mana’ or ‘magic,’ but real things that happen all the time, like ‘hate’ and ‘discipline.’

Fact 2: Demon Hunters adventure to get those awesome leather pants

Because, with their workout regimen, it’s like, vacillating sizes and total surprises, yo.

Fact 3: Demon Hunters are artists

Caltrops, what?  No, that’s my small business/ indie band symbol.  But no big.  Slows all the demons down while they’re like “that’s so true! speak to my soul!” word.

Fact 4: Demon Hunters take care of their own

Clothes, that it.  Melee combat?  So bloody.  And those items are either rare or legendary, so no thank you!  Not getting that dirty.

Fact 5: Demon Hunters Care

Most classes pursue unsustainable resources, while the demon hunter splits up their energy between an equal blend of angst and meticulousness.

Fact 6: It’s a Demon Hunter Thing

When you’re driven by equal parts hate and discipline, you don’t have time to explain yourself.  You just have time to Hunt Demons.  And leather pants.

 

These are facts.  So put that gem in your socket and smoke it.

If the socket’s on a pipe, I guess.

Otherwise I’d save that gem for like, a sword.  Or a better gem.

…Oh God, what have I done?

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