Their Eyes Were Watching Dog

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Having run afoul of public opinion, the international society of meteorologists (ISM) has decided to start using popular pet names.

“We figured it would avoid controversy,” said ISM head, Gene Ianesco.

This new choice has sparked immediate controversy, especially within ISM.

“Names that once sounded deadly will now instead sound kind of compensatory,” said P. Darlinquest, head nomenclator for ISM, who was opposed to the change from the start, thank you very much.

“Hurricanes like ‘Killer’ and ‘Destroyer of Worlds’ will obviously be associated with smaller hurricanes that make more noise and dampen the rug. However, gentler, calmer names like ‘Fluffy,’ ‘Pumpkin,’ and ‘Cuddles’ will likely be met with great fear, crossing the street, and vinegar spray.

Local pet owner bloggers have recently taken issue with Darlinquest’s comment.

“That is absolutely outrageous,” claims blogger dogluver1555. “As the owner of several pets, and a prominent member of the pet owning community, I can assure you that pet owners by and large lack a sense of irony.”

Dogluver1555 is known for his intense allergy to dog fur.

“Furthermore, claims like that don’t take into account simple descriptor names, like “frisky,” “furry,” “red,” or “dog.”

In response to these comments, Harvard p.h.D candidates Marco Salisbury and Paulo Stake conducted a rapid big data analysis to find a proper regression model.

“It took a ton of red bull and a couple cases of beer,” Stake said, “but we got some pretty conclusive evidence.”

Salisbury revealed a model at 12:15am to the Internet, showing a graph that only upper level academics could understand.

“It’s actually very simple, and thoroughly damning,” Salisbury claimed.

“Pet names like Fluffy, Sparky, or Nibbles were far less deadly than names like He Who Must Not Be Named or Harbinger.” Salisbury stated, jittering a little.

As this was a Harvard study, PhDs from other Ivy leagues quickly posted another 32 studies attempting to disprove its validity.

However, after intense all-night research, the host of slapdash studies found curiously conclusive evidence:

It turns out that psychologically, people do have an inbuilt sense of irony, especially when naming pets.

To this, dogluver1555 simply tweeted, “I don’t ):/”

Ironically enough, this naming system has guaranteed that in fact, unless pet naming culture changes, future hurricane names, unlike pet names, will no longer be ironic.

This was a response to the following post on hurricanes:

http://m.washingtonpost.com/blogs/capital-weather-gang/wp/2014/06/02/female-named-hurricanes-kill-more-than-male-because-people-dont-respect-them-study-finds/

Jellyfish is done!

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immortal jellyfish book

…But the show rolls on. I owe so much thanks to Mary Myers, Johnny Day, Alex Alferov, Kate Dooley, and Kristen Pilgrim. They made my play look good. They made it look darned good. Also, a huge thanks to the craftsfolk of the show: Tim Nielsen, Katelin Lee, Mary Keegan, and Adam Johnson. Finally, a huge high five to Jon Jon Johnson and Liz Hansen for their first full season with Avalanche Theatre Company.

Thanks, everyone, for helping this show come to life!

If you missed it, then you should really read the script. It’s available at http://blur.by/1eMxxa1, which is a pretty excellent self publishing site. I’m publishing this as the ‘world premiere edition,’ though I fully intend to keep this thing circulating and improving as I do so. We’ve come a long way, and I think we can get even better.

Drifters-in-the-sea: salps bloom off the coast of New Zealand. Credit: Seacology

Drifters-in-the-sea: salps bloom off the coast of New Zealand. Credit: Seacology

Alright, back to making DVDs of the show. Thanks again to everyone who came, who read for the show, who acted, who directed, who helped turn this text into something alive and real.

You all rock.

-K

Second Weekend Starts Tonight!

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Drifters-in-the-sea: salps bloom off the coast of New Zealand. Credit: Seacology

Drifters-in-the-sea: salps bloom off the coast of New Zealand. Credit: Seacology


Tonight at 6:30, check out the World Premiere of The Immortal Jellyfish!

You can nab tickets here before 5:30: https://www.capitalfringe.org/fallfringe-2013/shows/265-the-immortal-jellyfish

I’d tell you more about it, but I think Hunter Styles does a fine job here:

http://dctheatrescene.com/2013/11/06/immortal-jellyfish/

The Immortal Jellyfish Opens this weekend!

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sixteen

Tonight at 6:30 and tomorrow at 1:00pm, you can catch my latest play, The Immortal Jellyfish, presented by Avalanche Theatre Company as part of the FallFRINGE!

Starring Mary Myers, Alex Alferov, and Johnny, this sci-fi take on an ancient epic combines romance, madness, humor and horror in a 75 minute thrill ride through the human genome… and beyond! Directed by the illustrious Kristen Pilgrim and Stage Managed by the incredible Kathryn Dooley, this piece is the culmination of nearly a year and a half of work and revision.

We hope to see many familiar faces tonight and tomorrow!

October Challenge! Jellyfish Alphabet Bl

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October Challenge! Jellyfish Alphabet Blog
Alphabet blog time – taking one Jellyfish related word from the dictionary and making a short post about it (short story/ definition/ what have you). My challenge is to post 26 of these from now through the start of November, when my play, the Immortal Jellyfish, opens at the Capital Fringe! http://ow.ly/pAned